A Birth Control Promotion

Warning: This post contains the discussion of various bodily fluid and may result in the decision to never procreate. Be warned.

1:00 A.M. Having difficulty sleeping and finally go to bed.

1:22 A.M. Phone rings and someone asks for Nathan. We receive this call monthly and Hubby yells for the fifth month in a row that Nathan doesn't live here.

2 A.M.ish Youngest child wanders in. He doesn't feel good and oldest child is moaning and keeping him up. Get up and check on oldest who moans that her stomach hurts. Youngest child also feels sick. Put both kids back to bed and I move to the pull out couch near their rooms. Hubby does not wake up during this ordeal.

3:15 A.M. Have listened to oldest child moan for over an hour. I know by the increase in volume that she is going to vomit. I tell her to go to the bathroom until I can get her a bucket. She moans a refusal so I walk her to the bathroom where she vomits. At this point, the quiet youngest child vomits in his bed. Hubby wanders down to determine why everyone is awake and loud. He throws youngest child's blankets in the kitchen sink, turns on the water, and goes to change youngest child. I put oldest to bed with bucket, take a bucket to the youngest, turn off the water, throw the dry clothes from the dryer on the kitchen table, put the wet clothes from the washer into the dryer but don't turn the dryer on because it is loud, toss soap into the bottom of the washer, and carry vomit soaked bedding to the washer. Then, I wash my hands.

3:51 A.M. Both kids are trying to sleep with bucket close by. Oldest continues to moan. Hubby asks if I want him to share the pull our couch - not the offer I was looking for - so he goes back to bed.

3:52 -7:00 A.M. Kids continue synchronized vomiting. Oldest continues non-stop moaning. I get 4.7 minutes of sleep.

7:00 A.M. As I am cleaning up oldest and youngest is threatening more vomit, I WAKE Hubby and ask if he is feeling sick. He replies in the negative and says he just needs a few more minutes of sleep! In response, I tell him to get up or I will deposit the content of youngest child's bucket in his warm bed. Grumpy Hubby tends to youngest child.

8:00 A.M. Hubby leaves for work. I am left with two children and their buckets, laying on the couch watching Sponge Bob. I want a job.

8:01- 10:22 A.M. Vomiting has slowed down, but the children's bodies have found a new well to expel the contents of their stomachs. Oldest doesn't quite make it to the bathroom in time. As I clean up floor, I hand her a wash cloth and tell her to wipe off her legs and then put the wash cloth in the hamper. She throws wash cloth in toilet and become hysterical screaming "I thought it was toilet paper!"

10:23 A.M. Fish wash cloth out of toilet and into the continuous running loud washer. Put screaming child to bed. Make large cup of coffee.

10:44 A.M. Oldest child emerges from room and claims to have napped. Kids are tired of Sponge Bob and have moved on to the Disney Channel

10:45 A.M. - 11:15 A.M. Play cards with youngest. Oldest begins moaning again. She goes to the bathroom and vomits for the last time. Upon expelling the vomit, she attempts to lay her forehead on the toilet seat and misses - all her hair falls into the toilet and vomit. Put oldest child in shower.

11:25 A.M. - 12:30 P.M. Feed children Gatorade and Saltines and pray it stays down. Watch Disney channel and lose at cards.

12:30 P.M. NAP TIME!