Wish I was there . .
My passport is ready and I can be packed in minutes.

03 February 2009

What's in a Name?

I know that I am a bit obvious about my dislike of Florida - the heat, the education system, no snow, no mountains, but one of the reasons I must escape this state is my husband's family. I know I have ranted about their insanity before (here and here, oh and here), but after the last 72 hours I would like to take my husband and children, change our names and enter the witness protection program so I don't have to speak with some of his family again.

Hubby's grandmother died. This is FIL's mother and as we speak Hubby is flying North for the funeral. Because of the divorce of hubby's parents, he never had a lot of contact with this grandmother, and I have never met her. But her death should be the focus. Instead the last 72 hours have included enough drama for several XXX Jerry Springer shows. In any big family, there are a few nuts, Hubby's family just seems to have several extra.

There has been a gathering, and phone calls, and emails - and not about Grandma. When Hubby spoke with his brother in France, BIL asked when we could move and stated it should be as far away as possible. He hinted that France was even a bit too close to this mob. When I called my own semi-normal (in comparison) mother and told her all of this, she started laughing and told me that I could not think this stuff up and I need to find a way to write it down. So, in that spirit, I have started titling the episodes for Springer. At least, I can then laugh about this.
  • Child Alcoholism: Is it Right to Allow Your Seven Year Old to Steal Your Wine Glass?
  • Adult Alcoholism: Yes, Your Kid Does Know How Many Drinks You've Had
  • Who's the Daddy? (self-explanatory)
  • Miscarriage: Should you continue to try to become pregnant when (A) you have a child, (B) you are not in a relationship, (C) your finances are strained, and (D) you have had several miscarriages that have resulted in you being a bit nuts and tattooing the name of the miscarried child on your arms?
  • Tattoos with Profanity and Young Children: How to explain them?
  • "Remembered" Abuse: Are allegations of abuse thirty years later true or just a way to seek money as you have never held a job and are over age thirty?
  • Doctor/Patient Relationships: Should you date or marry your M.D? Even if he has delivered your children? Does it matter if he is already married?
  • Illness and Family Expectations: If you have disowned your family, should they be expected to locate you and come spend time taking care of you if you become sick?
  • Bullying is Not Cute! Wake Up and Parent!
  • Adult Children Living at Home with No Job: Misunderstood or just Sponges?

Thankfully, in this bunch of nuts are a few great people, and we just catch each others eye and exchange the look. That look of how in the hell did I end up as a part of this.

So, any suggestions for a new name?


G in Berlin said...

My family is dysfunctional, but you have a lot more to go around!

G in Berlin said...

While I am here- I want to rent a house around Disney in March. Do you have any agencies to recommend or areas I should concentrate on/avoid (Kissimee, etc?).


Ms Mac said...

I should apply to appear on that first one.

Just as you think your own family is the most messed up in the world, somebody comes along and reminds you that somebody, somewhere is just as messed up, if not worse, than you. Remember, even the Obamas have a black sheep!

But I agree with BIL, the further away you are, the fonder you think of your family.

jen said...

Wait, Hexe, I think I might be related to your hubby.SAME discussions over Christmas. Just add electro shock therapy and trust funds (lock thereof)and you've got my baby shower! Tons of drama and let me just say that Germany is still too close. That damn phone keeps ringing.

Depending on where you choose to live. In Germany, most of the small villages have a common name like Smith or Johnson, something about quasi-in breeding (nothing X-files like). Say Loebig or Mueller. should be safe unless they come looking for you.

Good luck!

misschris said...

Haha. Sounds familiar. Funerals always dig up the family dirt. It's an odd phenomenon. When hubs grandmother died a few years back all hell broke loose. It was amusing to watch from the sidelines.