Over the years living here, I have come to accept that our neighborhood is one where many parents drop their children off in order to trick or treat. I have learned not to question where the kids are from and just smile and hand out fifty dollars worth of junk that will rot through their teeth as they sleep tonight. After all, it's Halloween . . .
BUT (you knew there was a but coming) . . .
BUT, there comes a point in time when it's time to retire the costume. When I was a kid, it was around age twelve or thirteen. You were in middle school, you were a teenager, you were already feeling awkward and a costume certainly didn't help - you were too old and you knew it. It appears that today's teenagers have not been made aware of the age limit. So below are some suggestions for today's youth in order to determine their eligibilty for trick or treating.
- If you are old enough to shave any part of your body, you're too old.
- If you can drive, you're too old.
- If you walk away from the door with your hand on your girlfriend's ass, you're too old.
- If you have had elective surgery to enhance certain body parts or reduce other parts, you're too old.
- If you have impregnated someone or birthed a child, you're too old.
- If you have your own credit card or checking account without a parental co-signer, you're too old
- If you don't know how to get off the damn cell phone while your candy bag is open, you're too old.
- If you qualify to earn minimum wage, you're too old.
- If you can't be bothered to put on a costume, you are too old.
- If you can legally buy alcohol (or you're old enough to desire a fake I.D.), you're too old.
- If you're costume is a tattoo and (visible) body piercings, you're too old.
- If you're old enough to access porn on the internet, you're too old.
- If you dress as a playboy bunny, you're too old.
Unfortunately, this has been my evening and I could go on, but I think you get the picture.