Wish I was there . .
My passport is ready and I can be packed in minutes.

06 November 2007

Two Roads Diverged . . .

I need to make a decision and soon. This job of teaching was suppose to become easier this year - I am no longer new, and I have materials now, and I've done some of it before. Yet, I am still working nearly every evening and on the weekend too. Some is me I'm sure, but some is that instead of replacing a teacher who left last year they increased the number of students in my classes, and put me in charge of a year-round student activity, and I still teach Advanced Placement classes and my scores have to remain high. I have tried to manage this - working mornings and nights so I do not have to work on weekends, trying to only work one or two weekend a month and leaving my nights free. Nothing has worked. The end result is that I am exhausted, slightly insane, and have little quality time with my family. I know this is a dilemma faced by many working women, but I am lucky enough that I can chose not to work. Wealthy we're not, but comfortable yes, and my pittance of a salary does little in the way of contributing to our overall family budget. So I need to make a decision - I've always worked, always contributed financially, and have always known that if needed, I could independently and financially survive. Not working outside the home seems as though I failed, that I was incapable of being a good mother and a good employee at the same time. I feel like a traitor. Yet I know that I am missing too much - too many of those moments of childhood that I can't recapture and I feel physically ill and tears gather when I think about it. I NEED TO MAKE A DECISION.

9 comments:

Expat Traveler said...

IF you know you can survive sans your measly pittance, I say go for it...

Here's why..

Your kids are young. You can photograph them, enjoy time with them, spend time at school with their activities, keep the house clean, join an activity group, go to the gym, have time to keep your sanity and still have enough time for YOU!

I stayed home sick today and had a less stressful day. And I enjoyed it so much...

I think since you are very career driven, you can choose to take some time off and work towards the goal you want in the end...

and you can still keep up your law degree if you need that...

I say go for it, take a risk. You can't accomplish your goals without taking risks and you already know that teaching like what you are doing just isn't for you!

(then you might be able to secretly plan your exit to your new and amazing job!)

M erisi said...

Go for it (been there, done that).
Take on a volunteer job, something that lets you keep up with your skills or even improve them, but where you still can controll the time you spend on projects (I was PTA President and worked on the School Board, among others).
I cannot imagine having the relationship that I now have with my children if I hadn't spent those precious years awaiting them when the came home from school.
As they say, some things are priceless, and in the States with the volunteer culture, one still doesn't have to loose those professional skills, especially as a lawyer. You can even acquire new skills, while the kids are in school. So, go for it! The whole family will benefit, for life.
:-)

EuroTrippen said...

Life's too short to be unhappy if you're able to do something about it...

Claire said...

I understand what you mean. It makes me very angry when people say that teachers only work half a day. As the German and I are both teachers, sometimes we will only see each other in the morning and about an hour before we go to bed. I have no idea what will happen when the little one gets here. If you can afford it to change jobs, then it may be best. Unfortunately, we cannot.

PS To take your mind off things, I tagged you!

hexe said...

Thank you all. The decision is made; tomorrow I give notice and hope they find a terrific teacher to take over quickly so I will feel less guilty leaving before the year is over. I'm not really sure of what's next, but I think I'll take a bit of time to figure it out. Thanks for the reinforcement ;)

Merisi said...

Congratulations!
It's ok to live a bit day by day. Enjoy your kids and family life once you jump off the treadmill and reorganize your home life. You'll see time will let you settle your mind to figure out what next. Carpe diem! :-)

Elizabeth said...

I'm a newbie to your site, but as an woman with talent, goals, advanced degrees, and kids, I feel compelled to comment. You will never regret the extra time spent with your kids. My husband and I have both, in different ways, put aside advancing our careers for our kids. And the bottom line is that we (and, I hope, our kids!) are so much better for it. Sure, you get a lot of crap from the outside world for it and, sure, staying at home can be its own tear-your-hair-out grind at times. But, for me, those were trade-offs that I could tolerate. And missing so much of my kid's lives was something I/we couldn't tolerate. And they grow up, and you get more time to pursue those goals and dreams of yours.... good luck!!!

Expat Traveler said...

oh yes!!! I cannot believe it..

Oh please oh please tell us if you gave notice!

And bad news, P's work/plant is closing down..

Ugh! If we lived on the East Coast I could afford only to work!

Norma said...

I can't imagine why you're working. You can have it all; just not all at the same time is my motto.