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31 October 2007

Scrooge Returns

Last year on this date, I couldn't help but note the number of trick or treaters we had that were past their prime. From what has appeared on my doorstep tonight, it appears last year's suggestions have been ignored. Therefore I am again creating a list of when you should know that you are in violation of the socially accepted age for trick or treating. Call my cynical, but there is an age when you are TOO OLD.

  • If you are old enough to use the word multi-tasking while having a conversation with me, you're too old.
  • If you are dressed as a St. Pauli beer girl, your too old.
  • If you are really pregnant and it's not part of your costume, you're too old.
  • If you are old enough to be sporting a five o'clock shadow, you're too old.
  • If you are discussing quadratic equations with your buddy, you're too old.
  • If you leave your car running to come to the door, you're too old.
  • If you are too busy fighting with your boyfriend on your cell phone to open your candy bag and instead thrust out your professionally manicured hand, you're too old.
  • If you purchased and consumed a beer before going out, you're too old.
  • If you can vote in the primaries, you're too old.
    • Happy Halloween!


      Sunshine said...

      "old" kids who came to my door with no costume, or something pathetic that was, really, still not a costume, I didn't give them candy unless they did a dance. So, humiliation is key here.

      I love your analysis, as always!

      Ms Mac said...

      I simply refused to answer the door. Lights on, the kids knew we were home so I'll be the talk of the village today. The Swiss don't even "do" Hallowe'en so I've no idea what they thought they were up to.

      Merisi said...

      I don't mind "older kids" at all! It's such a tough age, being a teenager. I see my kids dressing up in whatever they find around the house (remember, usually they don't swim in money), some of their buddies running along in a "funny" t-hirt. It's true, it's childish, begging for candy, they could probably buy it, but hey, how often do you get a chance to interact with young people, show them your most generous side, an indulgent smile, a little conversation even. They would see that we adults want them to have some innocent fun (and after all, how much do those sacks of candies cost?). Where can teenagers go at night to have some fun? Restaurants, where for the price of a meal they are allowed to stay for an hour or two. Most other places are closed to them (in the USA, not in Vienna). They can gather in private homes, yes, but are they supposed to be outcasts, not seen, not heard? Dispised by us adults for their desire to be once more, if only for a couple of hours, a kid? One of those small, cute ones every adult loves, before they turn into the too big ones to be cuddled?
      I loved my old neighborhood on the edge of DC, in part also for their generosity on Halloween night. It's true, carloads of small children got ferried by their parents there, because our street was known as a "safe" one and for the sheer unlimited supply of good treats. Some people may object to that ferrying, but we saw it as a way to give this kids memories to cherish. The same for the older ones, the too big ones. I never encountered a single one who wasn't smiling about a generous handful of goodies. Sitting out there in the frontyard, the nearer to ten o'clock, they more we began to fret they might not show up, and we were stuck with all those sweets. That would have been a real downer. :-)

      naechstehaltestelle said...

      I have to admit, the last time I went trick or treating, I was definitely 17. I felt a little bad, but you know, candy is the perfect remedy for feeling bad.

      Deb said...

      LOL - I like your list!

      We don't have that problem here in France (as I am sure you already know!). Trick-or-treaters are few and far between. Some come before the 31st, and some have even come after the 31st!

      And the choices of costumes are pretty limited. You usually see the kids as either a witch or a vampire. Last night however, I saw a little boy with a Superman cape and a witches mask. Very creative! =o)

      hexe said...

      Sunshine - I like the dance idea. PH would greet them with the line "You'll have to explain that one - I don't understand your costume."

      Ms. Mac - I am sure the Swiss were only hoping to glimpse your loveliness; no candy and no Ms. Mac, the poor Swiss children:)

      Merisi - I agree that teens should have activities or events for Halloween. When I became too old for trick or treat, I was allowed to assist in a local haunted house. On Halloween, I was able to hang out with my friends in a graveyard, scarring other kids. My complaining is more attitude based then age based - the cell phone talker, the intoxicated, the St Pauli beer girl, and the pregnant adults were all vistors to our door. Further down in the neighborhood, a bunch of teens trick or treated, received their candy, and then proceeded to drive by small children and use a super soaker to "shoot" the children. The attitude of some is quite ugly.

      naechstehaltestelle - I understand as I have been known to steal a piece or two of candy from my kid's bags:)

      Deb - An interesting twist on Halloween a SuperWitch :)

      RennyBA said...

      I can dress like a girl (although its not my style), but I'm defiantly not pregnant - may I have some sweets anyway? LoL

      Belated Happy Halloween all the way from Norway and we have slowly started to pick up the tradition too you know:-9

      hexe said...

      Renny - I'll save some sweets just for you :)

      EuroTrippen said...

      We didn't get a single trick-or-treater, which was fine by me. I got to keep all the kinder joy & twix bars for myself!

      Expat Traveler said...

      I totally agree!!! My parents wouldn't let me go once I reached 8th grade!

      I guess they are desperate for a candy fix.

      Claire said...

      LOL!! The German passed out candy in the US on Halloween. At one point he came in the house and said, "Why is the 15 year old boy in drag at the front door?" "Oh, honey, he did not get the memo that he is too old."